Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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