if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
