We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
