In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
