This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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