Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
