she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I smell like Dick and happiness
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
