So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
