TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
