We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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