It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
