i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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