the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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