cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
