Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
