i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
