one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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