I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
