i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
