I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
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