Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
