Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
