Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
