dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
