I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
