im six kinds of drunk right now
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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