I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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