My nipple is on Facebook.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize