i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
