I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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