I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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