So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
