It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
