No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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