she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My ATM looks so different sober.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
