need another drink. this is the easiest way
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
