Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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