I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
