His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
