Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
