GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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