eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
