Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
