She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
