hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize