I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
