Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
