We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
"it" just moved
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This baby is an asshole
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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