The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
high people should be assigned attendants
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
