he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
