I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
