Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
