Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
ugly people sure do ruin things
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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