So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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