Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
