Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
