I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
