oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
