bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I know her cup size but not her name....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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