so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
