I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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