Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
