he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
