also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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