I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
as a side note pls kill me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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