If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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