I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think I won the penis lottery.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
