Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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