Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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