Yo dont text me then not text me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize