so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
