i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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