i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Can Purell be used as lube?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
