I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
