The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
