Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
