it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
