Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
