I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize