he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
