How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
