Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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