Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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