We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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