We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
