i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The best revenge is premature balding
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
