The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
