I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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