walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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