"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
