dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
