Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
