dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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