shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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