Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize