guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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