The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
